Tragedy Smiles
by that would be too long
Summary: I didn't die, as most people believe, when the green light rushed towards me. I was dead two minutes before that, when I knew that James was gone. But when I realized my life was truly over, it was enough to make me smile. [Oneshot]


AN: This is just something I thought up this morning, lying in my bed. One-shot, though I may continue if I get some nice feedback!

Disclaimer: Nothing/ No one you recognize as JKR's is mine. 'Nuff said.

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**Tragedy Smiles**

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I remember quite well how I died on that cold Halloween night so many years ago.

It wasn't how most people thought, that life was taken from my body when the Dark Lord turned it's wand on me. No, it was about two minutes before that, when I, just stumbling into my baby's nursery, heard that sickening thud of a man's body hitting the floor, and a high, cold laugh.

My stomach lurched. I felt as if I was going to vomit. My insides were melted, and a grotesque cold had come over me. My vocal chords had wanted to scream, to produce a never-ending, wretched sound. But all that came out was chokes.

Later, I realized that the feeling in my stomach was not one of upcoming vomit. It was the feeling of my will to live leaving me. James was dead. I was dead too.

I was still breathing, and my heart was still pounding in my chest, but my soul was gone. I held Harry close to me. He was crying. I wondered, in my shell of a body, if he had felt ittoo.

I knew that I could never raise Harry without James. I wondered if that made me weak.

I placed my baby in his crib. I kissed his forehead. I told him how much Mommy loved him. And then, the door of the nursery burst open.

It was ugly. I could never regard Voldemort as a he. As a man.

Voldemort was an it.

It stared at me, with hate flashing in those cold, dark, horrible eyes. It told me to step aside, step aside to let him kill Harry.

I was dead, yes. But Harry was still alive; life was simply glowing in him. He was not going to lose that. He may have to grow up parentless, but he was going to grow up. Baby Harry was to become Older Harry, Big Harry.

And then the screaming started. I screamed at it to take me instead of Harry. I pleaded with it. I was surprised I could talk so much, as I was dead.

Harry was my _everything_. He was my boy, and he was to live. Without me, yes. But he was to live.

It raised its wand and shouted at me. A green light rushed towards me, officially taking all signs of life from my body. Strange as it may seem, that green light was comforting. Somehow, that light told me Harry was okay. Harry was going to live.

Later, I was confirmed my baby boy had survived. I told them I had already known.

More than anything, I wanted Harry to live as I had. To experience the greatest moments life can give you. Just like I had. I had lived my life. I was happy. I smiled, though I was nowhere.

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Then, I was completely alone. I didn't know where I was. It was dark. And then, suddenly, it became so bright I had to shut my eyes. When I opened them, I saw me. I saw myself as a bright, happy two year old girl. I was smiling and laughing. Then the picture changed.

The images kept changing as soon as I registered what each one was. There I was, blowing out candles and giving a hug to my older sister. I saw my face glued to a window, watching a familiar man walk out of the house, carrying suitcases. Significant events of my early childhood continued, though there weren't many. The picture became brighter as I saw myself meeting a man. This man was to tell me all about Hogwarts, I thought remembering him, as he handed me my acceptance letter on the screen I was watching.

I saw myself meeting my friends for the first time, myself getting sorted. Numerous Hogwarts-related events appeared before my eyes.

And then, I saw myself with James Potter. Our lips were on each others, and both of our eyes were open. Right then, we looked so _young._ Dark times had grown James a few premature gray hairs in that mop that he called his hair, and I even noticed more creases appear on my forehead over the years. We looked so different then from whom we were now. Our first kiss was awkward, I remember. But it was nice. I smiled for the second time that night. Most of the images after this one were James-related. James had become a very important part of my life after that one kiss. There he was, on one knee before me, asking me to marry him. I saw myself meeting his parents, and him vice versa. Those were right catastrophes, I thought, amusing myself with the memories. I saw myself holding his hands as we repeated our vows to each other. There we were, sitting on a couch. I was breaking the news to him that we were to have a baby. A hospital room, decorated with balloons and various potted plants came into view. I was holding Harry for the first time, as I had conked out right after I had him, he no longer had the red, newborn look. He was beautiful. More images of Harry were brought before my eyes. Harry smiling. Harry crawling. Harry saying his first word (Dada – I lost 10 galleons to Sirius as I was hoping it'd be Mama). The last image was of me, standing defiantly in front of a crib, staring at a stream of green light.

That was my life. I decided that my life had been a good one. A really good one.

The picture flickered and it was dark again. I realized that I was in a tunnel of sort, and there was a blinding light at the end of the tunnel, lighting my path.

Death was so cliché.

I ran towards that light, strangely anxious of what would be beyond it.

There was a figure just before The End. It was James. He was smiling. When I reached him, I tackled him with a hug so forceful he almost fell over.

He told me he'd been waiting for me. I smiled. He asked if I was ready. I told him I was as ready as I'd ever be. It was then his turn to smile.

He took my hand, and James Potter and I walked through that luminous, faintly eerie light to the Beyond together. We were about to embark on a greater adventure than either of us had ever imagined.

I thought of Harry. Sweet, baby Harry. It killed me to leave him behind. I thought of Sirius and Remus. I thought of how they would react. I didn't like thinking about it. I wondered, if maybe, Harry may grow up with one of them. I certainly hoped so. I thought of Peter. I have never hated one sole person as much as I hated Peter right then. He had never _really _known what love was. He was a horrible, mess of a man. I pitied him.

I had closed my eyes as we walked through. It felt cold. Yet strangely warm. When I opened my eyes, I smiled for the third, and not the last time that night.

James squeezed my hand as we looked at what was before us, what we were about to face.

We were ready.

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**AN**: Well, I hope you thought it was at least decent! It may have gone a tad slow, but thoughts are sometimes, hmm? I have an idea of how I would continue it, Lily and James' life after their death. So review, give me some feedback, and then we'll see if I'll continue!

**EDIT: I've decided to keep it a one-shot. I like it this way; I think it suits it much better. XP**


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